Haven't felt much like writing for the past two weeks. I probably should have, but just didn't feel like talking about it. I did write quite a bit in my journal. I don't want to forget these last couple of weeks..nor do I ever really want to live thru them again...and I sure want all of this to be done.
I've been trying to think of some catchy way to describe this journey of joblessness and nothing comes up. We have worked thru feelings of betrayal, fear, hope, despair, panic, fear, hope, despair, betrayal, and on and on. I remember doing the Walk thru the Bible seminar years ago and learning about the tests that God's people were put thru and they constantly came up with an F. So the next test...and so on. The guy leading the class used an overhead and as he described each test...not going in when it was promised to them, etc. He would draw a big red F on the overhead. Somedays I feel like this is our test. I am absolutely terrified of that big red F. Am I being silly? Maybe..but I believe God does use circumstances to strengthen and yes to test us. Do we..DO I really believe His promises? What' s the deal God? Why bring us all the way over here and then both my parents die? and then Mike loses his job???? Hellooooo? Anybody there? So we're sitting here helping lead Perspectives for the umpteenth time and in the first week we are learning about God's glory and everything, and boom..we're fired! Wow. Failing that test, God. Big time.
BUT..... I bet if anyone is reading this they are glad to see that word there. Cuz, well, just because you don't want to hear that we are stuck in the dark pit, in the lion's den with no special guest, facing Goliath with no slingshot, at the Red Sea with no Moses and his staff...:) (Believe me, every one of these analogies and a bunch more have run thru our minds these last 14 days or so.) BUT we have felt the power of prayer lifting us up before the throne of grace almost constantly since this all started. From the moment I let people know, and that was almost immediately after Mike walked into the corporate office and was told, "Mike you have been terminated. Sign here. You have 30 days.." we have felt everyone's prayers. And our friends on this side of the world, people we have only known for 18 months offering to pay off our cars, loan us money, keep Ryan so he can stay and finish high school here. And so much more from both sides of the globe. Honestly, it is HARD being so darn needy all the time. Really, it is, BUT to feel this love and to see the Body come together and support us. Well, we have seen Jesus and He is here. And there. And with us.
Hope you can all understand why it has been hard to blog again. How in the world do we explain the craziness of this right now? BUT in closing, God has been speaking to us. Though muffled on many days, we are hearing Him. Like through Pslam 145, the whole thing really, but particularly vs. 11 and 12:
They will tell of the glory of your kingdom and speak of your might, SO THAT all men may know of your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
and vs 14:
The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.
and vs.17:
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
There is no job yet, BUT Hill has not cancelled the visa yet so we are not feeling a rush to leave. We have yet to hear back from a good offer, BUT we are hopeful that maybe this week. or next we will know more. We have no bank account right now, BUT we do have our money so we aren't desperate. We still wake up panicked some mornings, BUT we are trusting for God to provide..and that's good. :)
and vs.21
My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever.
Amen and Amen.
Grateful for all the prayers and love being sent our way.
The Hildebrands...sticking in out in Sandyland...:)
